Monday, November 23, 2009
FUCK YOU TURKEYS!
Burr | MySpace Video
I know I've been gone for a while, so I just want to take time out to say: Fuck you, turkeys. You stupid fucks. According to the guy on the message board, you don't know how to drink water or even fuck each other. So fuck you --you caruncled bitches.
Around this time, cute local news anchors always bring up the fact that Ben Franklin wanted the Turkey to replace the eagle as our national bird. But that's bullshit. Franklin just put that in some crazy letter to his daughter that made no sense. Some guy just drew a shitty eagle that he thought looked like a turkey and he wrote that the turkey would've been better anyway because it "would not hesitate to attack a Grenadier of the British Gaurds who should presume to invade his farm yard with a red coat on."
What a crazy asshole. I don't know if that passed for a joke back in the eighteenth century, but it sure makes no sense now. Turkey's are total pussies.
Franklin also loved electrocuting them and eating them. He also loved hookers.
I know you all hate turkeys too, which is why we're going to eat, like, all of them on Thursday. But, beware. The shittiness of turkeys can get you--even from within!