Wednesday, December 23, 2009

Tough times call for tough cases...

The Recession Case for the iPhone, by case-mate

Out of STOCK?!?! You're kidding!?

(for more info, and an hilarious page, click here)

Tuesday, December 22, 2009

Wait... is that... English?


Although I have no idea what he's saying, and I've been told that it's just gibberish made by an Italian to sound like English... this will be stuck in my head for a good 3 years or so. Have fun with that!

But kitteh... are a kitteh, and not a worm! You do not slink around. You eat food that moves! You do not live in dirt. You live in apartments and gutters.

Poor little guy never got a leg up in the world... I blame the economy.

Sunday, December 20, 2009

Happy Life Day from George Lucas...

The Holiday Special that Mr. Lucas no longer wants you to see, presented here, in full, for your enjoyment (and the embarrassment of the cast).

I have to thank Bert Hall for bringing the fact that this is all on youtube to my attention!

Things to look for:

1. Chewie's family including dad, WIFE, and CHILD!
2. No Wookie subtitles...!
3. Art Carney dancing to Jefferson Starship!
4. Chewie's dad, Itchy, watching interactive porn!
5. Boba Fett's introduction into the Star Wars world!
6. Life on Tatooine, the first reality show!


The rest is after the jump!

The Boy Who Laughed at Santa Claus

So before you start to doubt...

The Boy Who Laughed at Santa Claus

by Ogden Nash

In Baltimore there lived a boy.
He wasn't anybody's joy.
Although his name was Jabez Dawes,
His character was full of flaws.

In school he never led his classes,
He hid old ladies' reading glasses,
His mouth was open when he chewed,
And elbows to the table glued.
He stole the milk of hungry kittens,
And walked through doors marked NO ADMITTANCE.
He said he acted thus because
There wasn't any Santa Claus.

Another trick that tickled Jabez
Was crying 'Boo' at little babies.
He brushed his teeth, they said in town,
Sideways instead of up and down.
Yet people pardoned every sin,
And viewed his antics with a grin,
Till they were told by Jabez Dawes,
'There isn't any Santa Claus!'

Friday, December 18, 2009

Flickr Friday

Happy holidays, everybody! Here's a special supersized Christmas edition of Flickr Friday. It's Los Internet's gift to you, our dear readers.









Thursday, December 17, 2009

Lazy My Ass!: A Day In The Life Of El Jefe

Being El Jefe is tough. I've got so much to do every day and so little time to do it. Here's a photo diary of my usual weekday.

I start my day -- usually around 3pm -- with a good morning pee

Then I go to the gym for a big workout

Then I paint road lines because that's one of my jobs

My journey continues after the jump!

Wednesday, December 16, 2009

Man Commemorates The Simpsons 20th Anniversary With Crappy Margarine Sculpture Of Marge

You'd think a man who's been watching The Simpsons since the first episode aired in '89 would know exactly what Marge Simpson looks like -- especially if he's gonna go and make a bust of her and brag about it to newspapers.

Alas, that was not the case for one Simon Smith who spent 16 hours crafting this terrible sculpture that turned out looking more like Homer in drag than Marge Simpson. "I love creating sculptures out of such an unusual material - it lets me show off my skills both as an artist and as a chef," he said.

Boy, Mr. Smith, if you're as good a cook as you are an artist, I can't wait to eat at your restaurant and throw up all over your walls. Your "art" makes me want to vomit. That's how bad it is. Don't ever let me catch you making sculptures of your favorite cartoons ever again. Idiot.

I wonder what Nelson Muntz has to say about the sculpture...


Tuesday, December 15, 2009

Happy 150th Dr. Zamenhof

One hundred and fifty years ago, a great man, Dr. L. L. Zamenhof was born. A visionary man, he saw a future world where everyone could communicate with each other easily. As a result, Esperanto was developed. Geeks everywhere rejoiced, for now there was another language to practice in between kissing photographs of a young Eleanore Roosevelt and spitting whilst gutturally uttering Klingon.

And what's more?! Of COURSE! William Shatner was called upon to star in the world's first and only Esperanto film! Change thine pants, you Trekkie masses!

And a scene...

You are welcome, world... you are welcome...

Although I dig the movies...

... and I can tell you the name of Jango Fett's ship, and I can tell you approximately how big a Wamp Rat is, and I can tell you about subtle Bantha social behavior... I have never cried at a Star Wars Movie. Unlike this woman.

I think she's just one step away from heading to a convention. Muahaha... another convert on the way.

Everyone should post their silly reactions to movies that didn't deserve it. I'll go first: I laughed until I cried during the "Ass to Ass" scene in Requiem for a Dream.

Monday, December 14, 2009

Spineless Tool-user...

Happens that I'm on an animal kick... bear with me. This one is neither cute nor disgusting though... it's actually pretty cool.

For a long time, after people were getting used to the idea they they were, in fact, animals, human being were supposed to be the only animals that used tools. It didn't take too long for people to find that this wasn't true: chimps use sticks to catch termites, crows have been known to use cars to crack nuts, and sea otters use stones to break open shellfish.

But surely this is only a vertebrate trait! There's no way that lower lifeforms, that lack spines, nonetheless, can use tools! Oh, wait... there's this guy...

So where does that leave human beings? Exactly where they were. In the middle of a planet full of some really cool shit. Well, until we kill them all off anyway...

More awesome vids after the jump...

She feels your pain...

I was made aware over the past few days that the cute little puppy that I posted was making people ill. I will never understand this. Cute little white puppy with the lovely mane... but I digress

So, in searching the internet today I found an animal that can empathize with you weirdos. An animal that hates puppies as much as all of you. It's disdain transcends even living things; it hates fake puppies as much as real puppies...

You guys really should start a Puppy Hating support group, and this kitty should be your mascot.

A Most Adorable Pussy

Damn you Terzi for posting a video so disgusting, that immediately after watching it I forced myself to search for something unabashedly cute to keep me from imagining that horrible tongue licking me. These pictures of this cuddly-wuddly kitty cat settled my trouble mind. See what you've made me do, Terzi. You've made me turn Los Internet into a mom-friendly blog. I hope you're friggin happy, you half-circumcised douche.


More cute kitty after the jump!

Sunday, December 13, 2009

Magical Bodybuilding Homos Save Inner-City Youth

Inner City, America--Down on his luck and very sad due to widespread urban blight and homelessness, a young African-American boy instantly gained basketball prowess, fortune and sexual dominance thanks to three body-building homos.
"They transported me to a beach full of women," said the young man, 11. "When I came back, I could slam dunk a basketball and drive a yellow Ferrari. Then it started raining pussy."
The young man, who wore a suit and a fuzzy purple hat announced that he would be the youngest basketball-dunking pimp in the nation's history. "Thanks homos."
The homos, who could not be reached for comment through their magical view finder, seemed to be acting on some sort of good will gesture.
Their spokesman, Joseph Rollins, a basketball-dunking, Ferrari Driving Vietnam veteran who spent the previous ten years of his life living on the city streets, described the men as bold visionaries.
"They want to make us all happier and healthier," Rollins man said, holding the magical viewfider aloft. He promised to drive around town in his own yellow Ferrari helping those less fortunate than himself learn how to dunk basketballs and get laid.
"God bless those homos," he said, before speeding off.

This puppy is AMAZING!

I mean, seriously, LOOK at this dog's coat! It's so blazingly white! If it were any more white I'd think it was made by God himself. Such lovely locks; I want to run my fingers through it. If Fabio were a dog, this would be him. I want a puppy with such an exquisite mane!

It's too bad that otherwise this pooch is completely normal...

For more about the puppy go to

Friday, December 11, 2009

Time for some disillusionment...

I know this is an old story, but I think it BEARs repeating. (har har) I'll leave the kids Santa Clause, but I'm taking away Bear Grylls.

Bear Grylls is a fake. That's it. I don't care if he was in the British Special Forces, and I don't care that he was the youngest Briton to climb Everest. He's a liar, and in knowing he's a liar, everything else that he has "done" is suspect and in-credible.

For example... here is a solid piece of evidence that he's a sack of shit:

Now... after seeing that, this video doesn't seem too far-fetched (even though I agree that some of the claims are hard to prove):

Now, if you're really in need of a survival fix, tie off and watch this guy. Canada wins this round. Keep in mind, whenever this guy walks toward the camera, it means that he set it down, walked away, then walked back toward it. Same goes for any shot when he walks away.

Les Stroud: Good Job.

Flickr Friday

Hey it's freezing outside, why don't you grab a hot cup of joe/cocoa/tea/water/milk/pee and gander at these magnificent pikshurs!

Eyyyyy, it's Chlistmas

Gentlemen, if my measurements are correct, then we're looking at a panda bear!

Awww, what a sweethea--you son of a bitch!

Captain Sully? You drive a Subaru?

There's something fishy about Michael Vick's new dog...

No man will ever find you attractive...

...except maybe this guy


Have any of you penguins seen my ca--hey wait a minute!

Tuesday, December 8, 2009

I dub thee...


And lo! I am amazed by thee!

Soilent Soap is Made Of RATS!!!

Ok, now follow me here... If you get lost, pull over, check the references, and begin again.

Point #1

In the second declension of Latin nouns, you can see (in the "auxilium, –ī"), that a noun ending in "-um" in the singular form changes to "-a" in the plural form.

Point #2

The name for a group of large rodents indigenous to South America is Nutria. Take this with the point above: Plural = Nutria, Singular = Nutrium

Point #3


GREAT GIFT: The Mouse That Sings Pedophile To The Tune Of Jingle Bells

People are just no fun. The Chinese go out and make this awesome mouse doll that sings Jingle Bells, except instead of saying "jingle bells" it says "pedophile," and people are freaking out and demanding a recall. What is wrong with you people? After a whole month of sitting on strangers laps at malls, your kids need to be reminded about the dangers of pedophiles. And what better way to do that than with a happy singing Christmas mouse!

Monday, December 7, 2009

Mystery Link Of The Day

Click Me!

The U.S. House Of Representatives Loves Los Internet!

It's true. I was checking Los Internet's analytics today and found that someone at the House of Representatives spent a minute and 47 seconds checking out this masterpiece of a blog.

Now I'm not gonna sit here and speculate about which of the 435 representatives is cool enough to know about us, but I'm pretty sure it's Minority Leader John Boehner, because with a last name like that you've gotta have a sense of humor.

Thanks Mr. Boehner for loving our site. We're glad to provide the leaders of our fair country with such magnificent entertainment.

Sunday, December 6, 2009

The Economy

It seems to me that the economy is in shambles because the people at the top have lost complete respect for the rest of humanity. There are no consequences for their actions, so they just do whatever they want. Power corrupts; absolutely power corrupts absolutely.

Captain Picard: you make me sick. You should be ashamed of yourself. Look at you: with your top hat and silly mustache. Your unaffected stare is insulting. Even your Number One has lost faith in you. For SHAME, Captain Picard... FOR SHAME!!

Where's your monocle, bitch?

Saturday, December 5, 2009

Hey, Stop That!!

I can see EVERYTHING that you're doing on your end of teh interwebs!!

(Post exactly what you were doing when the puppy caught you)

Special Edition...

Now I'm all for Special Editions if they're done well...

... but Christ, Geogre, I think the changes are getting just a little silly, don't you?

If Gary Busey And A Great White Shark Had A Baby...

What would you get? Click through to find out! 

Friday, December 4, 2009

Flickr Friday

Now that El Jefe's no longer in a Thanksgiving food coma, Flickr Friday is back!

That's not how you fix a car, you silly Care Bears

Captain Nemeow is not amused

I bet you got guys lining up outside your door (with shovels and torches)

Shallow Hal wants a gal

Don't listen to all the major news outlets, this postcard tells the truth

I didn't know Warren Moon was still in the NFL

You're more of a caterpillar...

Reenactment cat is ready for his reenactment

This Dude

Takes awesome glamour shots.

Click through to see what I'm talking about.

My Favorite Tiger Woods Joke So Far

We all know about Tiger's player ways, it's all over the news. This Problems Comparison Chart is by far the best analysis of the situation yet. That and maybe the Chinese reenactment of the car accident.

(Chart via)

Thursday, December 3, 2009

Snake Vs. Monkey

Ah to be a director in China in the sixties. Sure, you couldn't criticize the government in any way. Sure, you might have to kneel on broken glass for making a movie that seems "decadent" or "Western." But you know what? You could sure as shit make a cobra fight a monkey. And film it. And no one would say a fucking thing.

Man Vs. Toddler: The Skills Competition Of The Century

A full-grown adult male is pitted up against a lilliputian 2-year-old girl in a test of wits, physical ability, and downright bad-assedness. WHO WILL COME OUT ON TOP?

On second thought, maybe it would've been fairer to match up the toddler with the New Jersey Nets.


Wednesday, December 2, 2009

Watch Marilyn Monroe Smoking Pot

Maybe we should start calling her Maryjane Monroe. A video of Marylin Monore sharing a joint with friends has just surfaced and is making the rounds on the Internet.

My first thought watching this video: OMG! People knew how to smoke pot in the '50s?! Weeeeeeeeird.



Just A Typical Chinese Man's Refrigerator

Wooooow...that's racist! If you laughed, you're going to hell. I was just testing you.

Nothing in here even suggests that the fridge's owner is Chinese. If anything, it's quite obviously a hipster's fridge. Notice the lone Belgian beer amongst the cheapo Pabst and Miller Lite, the organic brown eggs, and, of course, the cat. Those hipsters sure love their fine feline friends.


Tuesday, December 1, 2009

Mystery Link Of The Day

Click Me!

Give It Up For The Sex Offender Shuffle!

P.S. I lived in Miami for 11 years and the sex offenders over there speak a lot less English and a lot more Cuban. Oh, and they sing Celia Cruz, not the Super Bowl Shuffle. Give me a sex offender version of "Azucar" and I'll believe you.

P.P.S. Sam Pound...more like Sam Ton.

P.P.P.S. You will be in a video much like this one someday, Terzi. Haha, just kidding!*