If You Were To Slice My Head Open You'd Find This Guy Instead Of A Brain

Some people have a hamster running on a wheel, I've got a strange foreign man from the '70s with a creepy smile who likes to laugh like an opera singer.

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Crystal Swing Is My New Favorite Amateur British Country Band

Because any band with a singer whose voice is completely inappropriate for his face is a winner in my book--especially if his mom is the keyboard player.



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Wow, This Music Video Is Smurfin' Awesome!

Can't wait for the Smurfs CGI movie to hit theaters next year? Well, you're gonna have to. Lucky for you, I've found this little gem to keep you busy till then.



BONUS: See if you can spot the black Smurf.

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If You Love Fat Men Who Suck At Beatboxing, Boy Have I Got A Video For You!

Beatboxing is the rare art form that's better when it's done horribly rather than expertly. Nothing against Julia Dales, but I'd rather watch this guy beatbox any day--especially when it involves that awesome move that comes around the 2:16 mark.



I bet the part of his beard right under the lower lip area smells really good after a performance. I said baby, watcha gonna do?

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Despite Its Title I Still Feel Like "Pardon Me" Owes Me An Apology

No doubt you will feel the same. Maxine Swaby combines the voice of a deaf angel with the screen presence of a lobotomized mime for what is sure to become an instant classic at Los Internet HQ. Without further ado, here is Maxine Swaby performing her hit single "Pardon Me."



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Mini Daddy Is The Best Child Reggaeton Artist Of All Time

Is it those ridiculously ginormous cheeks? Or maybe it's his impeccably perfect head slide. Perhaps it's the fact that though he's only seven years old and he already looks like he undresses girls with his eyes (not to mention that he could beat the crap out of me if he wanted to). Whatever it is I am in absolute awe over Mini Daddy. He is the best thing to happen to reggaeton since the sub woofer. His song "El Niño Mas Bonito" (which translates to "the most beautiful boy") is perhaps the second greatest song sung by a child. (The first belongs to none other than Jordy.)



P.S. Feel free to watch 2:12-2:14 over and over again.

P.P.S. I'm tempted to make this the official song of Los Internet (whatever that means).

MARK GORMLEY IS BACK, BABY!!!!!

STOP WHAT YOU'RE DOING (EVEN IF IT'S GIVING CPR TO YOUR CAT), DROP WHAT YOU'RE HOLDING (EVEN IF IT'S A NEWBORN CHILD) AND WATCH MARK GORMLEY'S NEW MUSIC VIDEO "SING ME YOUR SONG." IT'S SO DAMN GOOD I HAD TO WRITE THIS WHOLE POST IN CAPITAL LETTERS. IF YOU DON'T KNOW WHO MARK GORMLEY IS, SHAME ON YOU. HE'S THE GREATEST PUBLIC-ACCESS TV ROCK STAR EVER! CHECK OUT HIS FIRST VIDEO "WITHOUT YOU" HERE IF YOU HAVEN'T SEEN IT YET.



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Give It Up For The Sex Offender Shuffle!

P.S. I lived in Miami for 11 years and the sex offenders over there speak a lot less English and a lot more Cuban. Oh, and they sing Celia Cruz, not the Super Bowl Shuffle. Give me a sex offender version of "Azucar" and I'll believe you.

P.P.S. Sam Pound...more like Sam Ton.

P.P.P.S. You will be in a video much like this one someday, Terzi. Haha, just kidding!*

*Maybe

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Gimme that Christian Side-Hug

I thought Evanescence was going to be the only Christian group on my ipod. Not anymore. Thank you Encounter Generation Conference!

Even After Death Michael Jackson Is Still Touching Children

And here's the proof:



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THIS JUST IN: Worst Concert Ever Coming To Philly

El Jefe has just received an email from the Trocadero Theatre announcing the worst concert in the history of music: Dashboard Confessional with opening act New Found Glory.

It's like the founding fathers of emo are convening in the nation's first capital to...I don't know...draft a Declaration of Emopendence?

So if you feel like subjecting yourself to a night of boys with ridiculous bangs wearing eyeliner and painted-on jeans (with wallet chains and all), by all means get yourself a ticket this Thursday. Me, I'll be at the hardware store jabbing screwdrivers of varying sizes in my ear trying to silence all the whiney voices.

Sittin On Tha Toilet

Wow! This rap song is tha shit, son! YouTube needs to get some Smell-O-Vision ASAP!



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Hey Kelly Clarkson, Thanks For Giving Me Nightmares For The Rest Of My Life

When you look like Kelly Clarkson, Halloween is a lose-lose situation. If you go the sexy route, you gross everyone out; and if you go the funny route, you end up scaring the diarrhea out of everyone.

This year, Clarkson opted for the latter and dressed up in the creepiest Stewie Griffin costume ever. Here she is performing in her giant evil baby costume. Take a look...IF YOU DARE.



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