Goddamn Beavers!

When I was 13, I bought the FM 21-75 US Army Survival Manual at Barnes and Noble. It is a very stupid book. It seems especially stupid when read by a chubby 8th grader living in the suburbs. The greatest threat to my survival, at the time, was the risk of masturbating so much that my penis fell off and I bled to death.
The stupidest passage in the book occurs on page 26 of Chapter 7 [Wildlife for Food]. The subsection is labeled "Beaver." From here, I will only quote the Army.

Local TV in Canada

Local news blows. Right?
Wrong. Once again, Canada rubs our dicks in the dirt. This motherfucker wrestled a bear. For a local puff piece on a restaurant. And look how angry he is in the beginning.
What the shit?
If Canada's gay mustachioed TV anchors have these kind of balls, imagine what their lumberjacks could do to us?