Goddamn Beavers!

When I was 13, I bought the FM 21-75 US Army Survival Manual at Barnes and Noble. It is a very stupid book. It seems especially stupid when read by a chubby 8th grader living in the suburbs. The greatest threat to my survival, at the time, was the risk of masturbating so much that my penis fell off and I bled to death.
The stupidest passage in the book occurs on page 26 of Chapter 7 [Wildlife for Food]. The subsection is labeled "Beaver." From here, I will only quote the Army.